“Asdfghjkladsfjlabhddsadfdagjkdfgouidagjl” Gibberish? Yeah, that’s kind of what’s going in my mind at the moment. Not sure what’s in the air today (perhaps it’s my colleague’s farts setting things off) but EVERY – SINGLE – THING is pissing me off today. It doesn’t matter how insignificant and small the problem is because apparently my brain thinks that they’re all on the same level of utter horse manure at the moment. Why isn’t the stapler full of staples? Is my hair TRYING to piss me off on purpose by being slightly off centre? Why are the tissues blue instead of white? WILL THE PHONES IN THE OFFICE JUST SHUT UP FOR 30 SECONDS?! Snap, crackle, pop. Rinse and repeat. It’s just like the rice bubbles cereal except instead of cereal pieces, it’s the brain cells in my head doing the snapping, crackling and popping. I can’t even stare at something for two whole seconds (Oh the horror!) without either wanting to set it on fire OR throw whatever it is out the window and THEN set the thing on fire. Hopefully it’s going to get struck by lightning too. Oh I’m overreacting? Tell that to mother nature. WHY THE HELL MUST YOU BE ALL SO DOOM AND GLOOM TODAY?! The weather man is a liar. A freaking L-I-A-R I tell you! Now my umbrella is sitting in my bed where I’d much rather be right now. God it’s cold. Why the fuck did I decide to wear short sleeves in winter? Oh no, no, no. It’s obviously not my fault; let’s all blame the weatherman because he’s oh, I don’t know, a liar.
Let’s not even get started with how slow the office computer is today. Oh no, it’s doing things 0.5 seconds late. It’s okay. It’s not like I’m busy or anything. Just take your sweet ass time sending that email. The computer is being selfish! Yeah, that’s what it’s doing. It has no regards for anyone but itself because it does things according to its schedule and never time mine. DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO TURNED YOU ON THIS MORNING?! God, you’re so freaking inconsiderate! Grrrrrrrrrr!!! I hate people. I hate machines. I hate pretty much anything and everything. Oh wait, I don’t hate food. Ice cream never talks back to you and nor does a pizza… or burger… or fries… mmm… food… … Oh shut the fuck up Mariah! I’m having a happy moment thinking about food here! Now is NOT the time for your squealing-filled-song about you and Nick! I suppose you’re not to blame; the phone put your song on after all. Stupid machines.
Anyway, I guess I better get me and my resting bitch face (Oh yeah, it’s there) back to work before some asshole decides to tell me off for not doing work and blogging instead. How freaking rude and inconsiderate would that be?!
Peace out. Set things on fire. Wait, I mean spread love, happiness and rainbows.
…and then set things on fire .
Love you all! Except if you’re the weatherman. Fuck you weatherman.