Clarity, the rain and new beginnings

It’s been a long time since I’ve last posted anything and let me tell you it has been one hell of a rollercoaster in the time I’ve been absent; a lot of things good and bad have happened and honestly I think they’ve happened for a reason. When I look back on how I used to be I still manage to drop my jaw. They say change is a good thing but it could also be bad; in this case, it’s nothing but the good. Compared to the ‘dark and gloomy’ days I’ve had in the past, the sky is now filled with the brightest of lights and that’s because of the effort and time I have put in to see and manage the error in my ways. It’s safe to say that the person I was before has died and in a way has been reborn. Don’t get me wrong; I’m still the same person with the same name and with the same traits but my mind has changed its way of thinking and as a result my life has just sprung up drastically.

Time heals a lot of things but some wounds will remain as scars. You learn to live with it and it’s not so bad. That’s a pretty good way to sum up everything up to this point; you acknowledge that the things in the past have happened but you do not under any circumstances let them consume who you are. If you’re someone going through a cycle of self doubt, regret, sadness or any type of pain, I want you to know that it will get better. These voices inside your head are nothing but lies; in a way, they are obstacles that your brain puts up in order to ensure that nothing else happens again. Learn to be patient with yourself, learn to love yourself and learn to accept that some things will never disappear but you’ll learn to live with them because honestly, the pain might never go away but you can numb it. It’s all about willpower. The pain of not knowing my dad, the pain of allowing myself to think that I was never good enough and the pain of the others around me are all something that I have ‘willed’ myself to control. There is a way. This is not the end. You will become a better person for enduring the pain; do not give up on anything and if you manage to fall, well, that’s okay because we’re not perfect. Get up, try again and keep going. When times get tough and it starts to get dark again just remember why you began and why you changed yourself in the first place.

You’re beautiful,

You’re worth it,

You’re loved,

Be brave,

Be bold,

Be pretentious,

Cry,

Laugh,

Be yourself and smile.

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Happiness comes in many forms: love, joy, fun… the list is endless. I’ve come out of the closet since my last post and never have I felt so free. Oh yeah, I’m blonde now too (boy, that was an experience) and I’ve found love. Everyone deserves to be loved but some parents are not worthy of their children’s love. You need to be careful who you give it to but you’ll know when it’s genuine because your heart will tell you what’s right. If you’re wondering who that may be in the photo… well, his name is Sheldon and let me tell you that he is the most amazing person to ever waltz into my life. No matter how crappy your life may seem just keep your head held high because it will get better. It’s half way into 2015 and I can’t believe it took me this long to realize all of this. Remember to love and to be kind because in return you will be loved.

So, dear self,

Live, love, laugh, cry and work it because everything will fall into place with time and dedication. Be that person who will make even the darkest nights shine brightly.

Oh and don’t forget to smile, you fabulous unapologetic bitch.

Watch out because you’re going to slay the future.

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